How Self-Improvement can make you miserable

Friendship is the most important thing a person can have in his life…

And Self-Improvement can take that all away.

Let’s talk about it:

Last-last Sunday evening I was trying to get a new haircut, but, of course, it was 6PM on a Sunday so everything was closed.

I decided to stroll a little around the city, in order to clear my head, when I received a call from my best friend inviting me to go out with him and his girlfriend.

I was hyped, I really needed that. It wasn’t the greatest day for me and I wanted to relax a little, so this occasion was perfect.

I arrive where we were supposed to meet, everything’s fine and dandy, we’re joking and having a good time. And except the fact that he was trying to get me to drink a beer with him like no other, it was going great.

I start discussing with my friend about how his life went, which is something I really wanted to do, since I haven’t seen him in a while.

But, eventually, 2 more of our friends come into the scene, and this is where it all gets tough.

All of them, except one girl, started drinking the beers they brought earlier.

And, right as we sat back down on a bench, I can see both of my male friends pull out their phones and start scrolling on social media, laughing at the memes they saw. They were both basically out of this world.

After this point, my entire night didn’t seem to go in the right direction. I couldn’t really relate to any of them, nor did I want to that much. I was just sitting there, not really doing anything.

At some point a ladybug came on my hand, and playing with it was basically the highlight of my night. 😂

If you’re unlucky enough, I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself in your life. The moment you really start diving deeper into self-improvement is the moment that many of your friends will have to go away.

And I know how tough it can be.

Self-Improvement becomes this bubble that doesn’t let anyone in, if they’re not aligned with your principles.

The story I told earlier was just a small glimpse into how different I felt when going out with my friends, compared to just this autumn.

It can be better though, and I want to show you how.

But, remember, we ourselves can only do so much. After all, friendship is a 2-way street.

In any case, here are the 3 steps you need to take in order to be at peace with all of this:

1. Help them see your point:

Although I think you’ve already done it, I couldn’t write this article without at least mentioning this.

If you truly value your people as friends, the least you can do is have a sit-down with them and talk about this.

It will be hard, and it will be uncomfortable, but it’s better to at least share your view points, and see what they may have to say.

A part of the problem lies within us as well, so having this talk with them will help us realize that.

I remember that when I started really diving deep into S-I, I was a little overtaken by it. I wasn’t really focusing on relationships, rest, or even enjoying my life. (not in the modern way of the word)

Because of that I had many altercations with the aforementioned best friend. And, whilst I didn’t wholly agree with him, he made me see where I was going wrong.

That helped me change my path in such a way that I could truly enjoy life, and stop stressing over the tasks at hand.

So, even if it is uncomfortable, go and talk with them. You may even find parts where you’re in the wrong.

But, if they don’t want to accept anything that you said, and continue going their own, destructive ways, here’s what do to:

2. Stop listening to their advice: (especially about life)

The worst thing you can do is listen to the advice of people who:

1. Don’t have what we want to achieve

2. Don’t want to go after it

I’m not saying to completely break ties with them. After all, like I said earlier, I still have 1 or 2 people whom I still go out with.

But they were selected very carefully.

That’s because, whilst I don’t agree with their views on my journey and so on, they’re not so far gone down the rabbit hole.

I can still have a like-minded discussion and feel good with them.

It would be stupid to simply cut off all of your dearest people just because their road is a little different from yours.

We’re social creatures, we NEED others in our lives.

But, of course, this all changes when said people have a negative influence on you.

If you see that you’re becoming worse every time you spend time with your ‘friends’ (because you can’t even call them friends if they influence your life in a bad way) you need to leave, as soon as possible.

What really managed to save me is that while my friends all smoked, sometimes even more than 1 pack/day, they always told me not to do it.

Your friends can either make you, or break you. So choose carefully.

3. Don’t stray from your path:

I think this one was clear already, but no matter how hard it may be, you can’t sacrifice your entire life for ‘friends’ you’d already stop talking to in the next 5 years.

Imagine your future self looking back at you now, and thinking, with regret:

“If only I had focused on myself… If only I would’ve listened to that guy from Twitter…WHYY?!!”

Yeah, that’s exactly how you sound in my head.

But seriously though, you can’t let your journey go to waste because you’re afraid of being lonely.

I know it’s hard, but here’s where the beautiful part comes in.

That’s because I have a:

BONUS TIP:

Find your people:

As I said, it’s hard and gruesome to be alone.

That’s why you have to fight it.

This is where your journey becomes even more beautiful.

Now that you’ve removed the people that were making your life worse, you can focus on finding those that will make it flourish.

And I know, I know you’re a wimp-ass and you’re afraid of talking to new people.

But that’s exactly why you have to do it.

Let’s assume you will never be sent friends from the sky, meaning no one else is going to come talk to you.

Would you rather live alone your WHOLE fucking life, or man up, and search for the people you’ll love?

The answer you gave right now is all you need to do it.

I’m not saying it won’t be hard, I’m having a rough freaking time finding friends here as well.

But trust me when I say, the way this journey will mold and form you, it will all be worth it.

(side note: you can always just DM me on Twitter and make an easy friend like that <3)

I’ll soon write an article about approaching others and confidence, but until then, remember:

It’s all up to you.

If you don’t have friends, it’s up to you.

If you’re alone, it’s up to you.

If you’re sad, it’s up to you.

You have complete power over yourself and your actions, so make sure you take the right ones.

Summary:

1. Tell your point

2. Stop being influenced

3. Remain on your path

BONUS/4th step: Go make some fucking friends.

Ok brother, thank you so much for reading. Before you leave, I have just 2 requests of you:

-Share this newsletter so that more people can get value from this

-Be careful who you’re spending your time with. Yes, this is a request. Please don’t let your life become destroyed by the influence of others. Be better. <3